Why does it happen that the mind is never satisfied with the current state of affairs. Why I am sitting at Dubai and thinking about London? When I was at London, I yearned for Kolkata. Why do we have to romanticise about something that we know we aren't able to get? I remember when I was at London, I used to discuss with my partner how cool life would be in India. Our India, our Kolkata. The sights, the sounds, the aroma: so alien here, but so intimate there. The "padar kaku" who would always ask about you the moment he sees you. The corner shop owner who would reach out to you asking whether you need something. The tugs of the army of destitutes and beggars in the streets pulling at your clothes and your heart strings, looking up to you for salvation. It was this great mist of emotion which choked us while we were sitting at our drawing room in London.
And indeed it felt as if it was the return of the prodigal son. But within 24 hours of landing in Kolkata, the romanticism disappeared in thin air. All that remained was the cacophony of cars honking, hawkers shouting, children crying, men bawling and above the din, the huge sound of disappointment. Kolkata which seemed to be that bewitching lady under the ghoonghat turned out to be an ugly lady with bettle-stained teeth. And my mind immediately longed for my home in London. How peaceful it would be there, how lovely the daffodils and the bluebells look in the verdant grass outside, how good it feels to sit at the bench in Regent's park. And since I cannot go to London now, it made my stay at India all the more unbearable.
And three months later I am at Dubai. And I have started missing both Kolkata and London again. But then I think that's how life is with everyone. When I was with her, I found her presence overwhelming at times and I longed for freedom. Now that I am no longer with her, all I think of is how life was wonderful with her.
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